Fast As I Can
by foobar137
Summary: Based on "Fast As I Can" by Great Big Sea, but not really songfic anymore. Phinbella fluff about Phineas's side of the relationship. One-shot, not associated with any other timeline of mine.


**I said I'd have new stuff in mid-January, but didn't get as far on them over my vacation as I'd hoped. "Something Special" is still partly disassembled and awaiting rebuild. "Founding the Foundation" is gelling still. But, I did get a couple shorter pieces written that I rather liked.**

**First up: "Fast as I Can", based on the song of the same title by Great Big Sea. The core of the song's chorus is "I'll tell you all of the things that you'll never regret, but I'm not ready to say 'I love you' yet", which struck me as what was probably going through Phineas's head at various points in their relationship.**

**This is not connected to any other timeline of mine, I just felt it fit my view of Phineas and Isabella's relationship. Each segment here is roughly a year apart.**

**My profile page has a link to the lyrics and a YouTube video for the song, if you'd like to hear it.**

* * *

Phineas watched Isabella walking back across the street, her black hair bobbing behind her. It had been an incredible day - the longest of the summer, made even longer by racing the sun around the world. And then, finally, amazingly, they made it home just in time, beating the sunset by just a single second.

And thinking back on it, he realized just how close he had come to breaking her heart. He'd been so focused on his goal in Paris that he had missed every attempt at romance she'd thrown at him. And what had she done to the ten-year-old boy who'd unsuspectingly treated her so cruelly? She'd inspired him, and refused to let him give up, and kept him from giving in to the despair that had almost claimed him.

_She deserves so much better than me_, he thought._ So much more than I can give her right now._

_But if I'm what she wants, maybe I should try to be worthy of someone like her._

* * *

It was going to take every iota of his courage, all the will his twelve-year-old self could muster, but he had to do this. Their first junior-high dance was coming up. _She's been waiting for this for so long_, he thought.

Isabella was at her locker, momentarily alone. Time to try.

"Hi, Isabella?" he asked hesitantly.

"Hi, Phineas!" she smiled back.

"Um, I was wondering, would you like to go to the dance this Friday?"

Isabella looked at him, her eyes narrowing. "The dance? As friends?"

"Actually...I was thinking as a date. If that's okay with you," he quickly added.

Her eyes got wide, and she seemed speechless. "...I..." She blinked, and a stunned smile crossed her face. "I'd love to."

* * *

"Do I even matter to you, Phineas?" she shouted.

"Yes, Isabella. You matter to me more than almost anything."

"Do you love me?"

His silence spoke volumes, as he tried to find the words for his answer.

"You mean a lot to me, Isabella, but I'm just thirteen. I'm not sure I even know what love is. I think, when I figure that out, I can let you know. But you are far too important to me for me to lie to you and tell you something that I don't know is true."

She took a deep breath, and glared at him.

"Maybe you need to invent something to help you figure that out, then."

And with that, she slammed the gate shut behind her.

* * *

They'd been watching a movie at Phineas's house, sitting together on the couch. Now, with the movie ending, Isabella was curled up in the crook of his arm with her head on his shoulder, sound asleep.

He pondered their relationship. He knew she loved him. She'd loved him, in her own way, when they were ten, and now at fourteen she loved him as completely as one teenager could love another.

_So why can't you return it? She wants you to say the words so much. You care about her deeply. What is it about those three words that you can't say them to her?_

_You've been saying you aren't ready for years now. What will it take?_

Phineas looked at the sleeping girl leaning against him. _She deserves someone who loves her. If I don't love her, I should let her go to find someone who does._

The thought chilled him to the bone. He thought about what his life would be like without her, and how much he would miss her if she left. Thoughts of how much she meant to him flickered through his head, flashes of years spent together as friends and as a couple. He realized he could no more leave her than he could stop breathing.

_Maybe I am ready after all._ He buried his nose in her hair and whispered, "I love you, Isabella." In her sleep, she smiled.


End file.
